Transitions: My 26th Birthday
- Empowerment, Fear, Giving, Gratitude, Inspiration, Life, Love, Quote, Self Love, Spiritual Development, Uncategorized
- 5 min read
alisha herrick | coach + guide
My 26th Birthday
20 minutes before the clock strikes 12, I read the post I wrote exactly one year ago.
I feel a sense of calm and peace with where I am today from where I was then and I’m pleasantly surprised by how much of what I wrote actually manifested.
1. I don’t have to be perfect.
For the first time in my life, I sincerely feel completely aligned with my true self – flaws and all. Perfection is simply an idea, not something that can be accurately measured or defined, so why was I trying so hard at it? The most compelling reason I can think of, is that I had this vague idea of what I needed to do, be, or look like in order to be loved, and it seemed that no matter what I did, I always fell short, or wasn’t enough. The scale for perfection only existed in my head. Once I wrapped my brain around the fact that I was making myself sick trying to live up to myself, I decided to give myself a fucking break! Everyone’s trying their best, including me.
2. My body is amazing.
For the first time I can truthfully proclaim that I love my body. For the first time, I believe it when I look in the mirror and with a wink and a smile say, “you are beautiful.” Not many people know my history of self-hatred. Or how horrified and disgusted I was with my body from the time I was about 9 years old. I believed that being overweight meant that I was ugly, and that message was reinforced by kids in school, loving and concerned family members, and of course, pop culture. This mental shift from hating myself to loving myself, was a painful transition, which I’ll go into more later. For the time being, I’ve learned to be sincerely grateful for my body, and remind myself, that I only get one, so I better settle in and get comfortable with her.
3. I can’t save everyone I love.
For a long time, I sought to alleviate the pain and suffering of those around me, only to realize that I never worked on alleviating the pain and suffering in myself. I always “got over” traumatic or painful parts of my life by reminding myself how worse off I could be, and that so many people were dealing with horrors that I can’t even imagine. This is a fine ritual, except for the fact that I dismissed my own pain and never really dealt with it. Never acknowledged or healed it. I now realize, that the only way that I can sincerely help others, especially loved family and friends, is to heal myself first.
Making myself well.
This past year I turned the focus inward, and worked on finding ways to make myself well.
I worked through some painful memories, released some useless beliefs, and cultivated courage, determination, and certainty. I was lucky in this life to find and marry my soul mate, I graduated from college, started writing authentically, got a promotion, and fell madly in love with my life.
Onward!
Now, on my 26th birthday, I am both excited and a little apprehensive for what is coming my way. The fear wells up because it feels as though, I’m about to step into darkness. It’s dark because the path I’m heading out on, is foreign to me. I know I’m heading into a place of complete unknown. Even with the fear, I feel compelled to go into the darkness. I trust that my heart, filled with love and light, will guide me. I trust that I am capable of creating my own way, and finally, I trust that the other side will be far more fulfilling than staying here, afraid of the dark.
So onward I go, into the beautiful, magical dark.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
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